The Donald Trump Endorsement – Does it Matter?

After spending some time on Twitter, I realized the “Twitterverse” is a lot like the little galaxy in “Men In Black”.  All of the people living inside of it think the things they say and do are very important, but when you take a step back you realize none of it really matters. Then I started to think about my life in general what kind of sandwich I was going to have for lunch.

Regardless, the “Twitterverse” was a-buzz this week with news that Donald Trump was going to endorse one of the Republican Presidential candidates.  MSNBC host Alex Wagner tweeted:

There should be a hashtag for this, when you say something sarcastically, but really you actually mean it.  It’s like when you tell your friends, “I CAN’T WAIT to watch ‘The Notebook’ on the couch with my girlfriend tonight,” or “Snooki, oh man, I’d TOTALLY bang her!”

How about #sarcasirony?  #sarcasmIdontreallymean?  How about #Humblebrag?  Is that taken? I know Alex Wagner spent most of her day thinking about Donald Trump.  That’s probably why she didn’t return any of my phone calls.

#Idigress….

Certain words and phrases are inextricably linked.  Whenever I hear the phrase “Full-blown”, in any context, I immediately think, “AIDS”.  I think it’s because I was 8-years-old when Magic announced he was HIV positive.  Eight is a very impressionable age, and I still remember that night like it was yesterday.  Now I go days weeks months at a time with out anything really registering.

Hey look at these beautiful full-blown roses!

This has become a full-blown investigation.

We’re at risk of entering a full-blown depression.

AIDS.  AIDS.  AIDS.  I can’t help it – and I don’t think I’m alone.  When you told that girl on Saturday that you were in a “Full-blown rock band” she was thinking: “AIDS”.  This didn’t help your chances.  Also, you made some other mistakes.

Then there’s “Simon”, which invariably leads to “and Garfunkle”.

I agree, Paul.  I loved Graceland.

#HereswhereIgetbacktoTheDonald

When I hear “Donald Trump”, I immediately think “Rich”.  There’s no way around it.  I wish this wasn’t the case.  In a world of truth and justice, Trump’s Taboo card would read:

In reality, it reads:

This is the paradox that is Donald Trump.  After a tumultuous real estate career that involved several high profile bankruptcies, Trump now makes money almost exclusively from selling his body name.  His two main sources of income are licensing fees from condo buildings using the “Trump” moniker, and his reality show.

People watch him on TV, and pay to use his name, because he is rich.
He is rich because people watch him on TV, and pay to use his name.

It’s an infinite loop with no beginning and no end, much like the time travel plot in “The Terminator”.

But whatever, he is rich.

He is also incredibly insecure.  Take a look at his apartment:

It is LITERALLY made of gold.

So we know Donald must have loved all the attention his endorsement was getting.  Here’s how things went down:

  • Wednesday afternoon:  Huffington Post reported that Trump would endorse Newt Gingrich.
  • Wednesday night:  I put Lana Del Rey’s “Video Games” on repeat and took a two hour candlelit bath.
  • Thursday morning: Matt Drudge reported that the endorsement would actually go to Mitt Romney.
  • Thursday afternoon: Trump officially endorsed Mitt Romney.

Wow, Mitt Romney?  Didn’t Trump recently have some not so nice things to say about him?

Well, Mitt Romney is a basically small business guy, if you really think about it.  He was a hedge fund.  He was a funds guy.  He walked away with some money from a very good company that he didn’t create.  He worked there.  He didn’t create it…I’ve created hundreds of thousands of jobs…my own assets are much, much larger.

First of all, we should all agree to take a closer look into the assertion that Mitt Romney WAS a hedge fund.  I thought he was a Mormon?

When pressed by a reporter at the endorsement about his past negative comments, Trump explained, “That was just political talk”.

“That was just political talk”, as if to say, “You didn’t realize I’m usually full of shit?”

“You’re an idiot then.”

“You’re fired.”

Donald Trump wants you to believe his bullshit.  He also thinks you should realize he’s full of shit.  And he’s serious about that, that’s no bullshit.

So does his endorsement matter?

Everyone is saying It doesn’t.  So it does.

But it probably doesn’t.

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